Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's great music for shaving your balls
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
