Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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