how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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