So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
