Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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