It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
