all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
