I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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