Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
