I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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