eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
