I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
