Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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