Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
