He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
