everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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