Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
