I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
