First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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