he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
