What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
