I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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