Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
