You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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