his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
