Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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