are you still at the devil's house?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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