He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize