Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
