hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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