when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
