I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
