Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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