He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
