Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
