Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
