Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
