forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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