Swine flu. Run for my life!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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