I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
