I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The cops high fived after they tackled you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
