And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
