OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
