No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
