is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
