She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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