I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize