You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
