Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
