I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
