how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize