I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
