what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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