I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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