Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
