I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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