turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
