So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize