i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
