everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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