made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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