bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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