wrigley field is MILF paradise
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
