And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
