Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
